The Wall

You know when you are running and you reach a certain point where you feel like you can't go any farther. A lot of people who run know what I am talking about. The experts call this "the wall". Sometimes hitting the wall comes differently each time, and for each person. Sometimes you can just approach the wall. When this happens it is pretty easy to get through. Mentally you can pull yourself through by just putting one foot in front of the other and thinking positive thoughts. Other times you can hit it, but it is not that hard. Usually you slow down or sometimes walk it out until you feel ready to run again. But then there are the times when you are running or exercising and you feel great. You think that you can do anything. That is not to say that you don't go through some sort of pain, or your run is completely perfect, but despite all of the pains none of them are enough to make you feel like quitting. It is when you are feeling this way that "the wall" sneaks up on you and you feel like you sprinted with full force into a wall. When this happens there is nothing to do but stop and take a rest and start over.

These past couple of weeks I feel like the last example, except I feel like I ran into the wall of life. To be honest I have never felt that much hurt in my life. I have been so blessed and haven't had many trials that made me ever question "Why?" Most of the trials in my life are the the examples of approaching the wall, or kind of running into it. I never asked " Why Me?" , "What did I do to deserve this?", or feel "I am a bad person." or "I have no worth" etc., But this last experience caught me off guard and it hurt more than I ever could have imagined. I thought all of those thoughts plus more, cried, and this time I did want to give up. In fact I did for about a week. I am getting better day by day, but the pain is still there. So many times I remind myself that so many other people in the world have experienced worse, but knowing that doesn't take away the pain, but only makes it worse by making my heart ache for them too, which includes more pain and tears.

My mind is running a blank, and I can't think of anything else to express my feelings except for this poem. I found this poem a long time ago and have always remembered it. I am not sure why, I couldn't relate to it until now. The original poem used the word friend while I used the word baby, but switching the one word worked so perfectly for me. I always found the poem so sweet despite the simpleness, but it seems to express all of my feelings. Here it goes. . .

I loved my baby
She went away from me
The poem ends as soft as it began
I loved my baby