My methodology is the no school schooling. It is where there is no formal education, but you have all the tools, books, etc at home so when they are ready to learn they do.
Cariña was my first guinea pig. I was a complete success. (Obviously she was, but I do say I when I need to feel good about myself! You know motherhood, you have to get your validation when you can! Sometimes even make it up.) When Cariña decided to write, slightly later than others, she was able to write the entire alphabet by herself and her letters were about a quarter of an inch in size. She had three reading lessons then took off reading and within her 1st grade year was reading Anne of Green Gables and understood it.
She got the concept of of times when she was five. She could easily count to a hundred, add and subtract with no problems. School was a breeze for her! So when she went into first grade at the top of her class, I felt pretty good about what I accomplished! :)
Then came Helaman. I figured that it would be a little different, I mean he is a boy, she is a girl. But I didn't push. I wanted my son to do what he did best, and that was to explore, discover, and destroy!
Let me tell you he was my little sidekick and I have been depressed ever since he left. He was cooking with me. I would look for him and find that he was outside and had raked up seven bags of leaves, and put them in the front yard to be taken away! He was my shopper. He had all the store clerks charmed by his hard work bagging and pushing the cart around. He could also run our small vending machine company if we let him. He was a man of work and solving problems.
Well about half way through his kindergarten year I realized that he was NOT THE LEAST BIT INTERESTED IN READING OR WRITING! I thought that at this point he was going to need a little encouragement, and we were going to need to add reading and writing lessons into the day. We did.
The results were horrible. He was not interested and it was a constant battle. I turned into a monster mother, while he turned into a monster student. Therefore, to spare my son emotional damage I decided to back off and reading lessons became sporadic at best. I figured that in first grade he would be a little behind in his reading and writing skills but would catch up quickly. The other subjects I wasn't worried about.
Now he is in school and it feels like I am a complete failure! Yesterday his teacher came to me and said, "He doesn't know how to count past 15. You really NEED to work with him!" I always felt his counting was fine, and was shocked to discover that he couldn't count that high. Did I miss something? Do we not have anything over 15 items in our house? Am I completely unobservant that I didn't even notice!? Where am I? What kind of mother am I, to let my son slip so far behind.
So on our walk home from school I quizzed him and he couldn't make it past 15. I was in despair about it. (Ask my mother, I called her up in a panic!) So I brought him home, gave him a very a high protein and fat snack to stabilize his very low blood sugar. Then set him down with me to complete his math worksheet that he COULD NOT DO at school. It turned out that it wasn't as bad as I imagined and he did okay, not perfect, but okay. Then when we were just counting I decided to change the counting medium. The beads, blocks, and paperclips, that the teacher sent home, did not interest him at all and he would not try. Then I gave him a stack of dollar bills and do you know what, that kid counted to thirty-six without skipping a beat!
Then this morning I gave him a huge stack of bills and said separate them into 10s while counting. This kid who couldn't get past 15 counted to 86! :) He knew how many 10s there were, and how many ones. He did need help with the first sound of the next group of tens after Forty, but once he got that first sound he took off and continued counting! (At this point he knows, but just needs the repetition.) Then he grouped the piles into groups of twenty and put paperclips on.
The first thing I discovered was that this kid is obviously driven by money! :) The second thing I learned was this kid is completely capable and knows the answers but isn't trying. So now what do I do? I can't send him to school with fifty dollars to count, if I don't want to be broke.
So do I regret keeping him home for schooling? No. I really feel he thrived at home and was in his element. His higher level of thinking was developed and is really strong. He really is a problem solver. He is full of facts of all sorts and is successful in so many things. Had I sent him to full day kindergarten, I believe, he would have missed some key development factor that really helped him develop his higher level thinking skills, especially since he is the epitome of a boy learner.
So how did I fail Helaman? I failed to prepare him for a system that I knew he would enter. Now he is in a situation where he obviously doesn't thrive, he is feeling completely incompetent, insecure, and is shutting off his brain.
I am tempted to pull him out and homeschool him again, but he is going to need to learn the system eventually and I like my kids in public school. There are excellent teachers who teach great things and sacrifice so much. In the schools, my kids learn to deal with all types of personalities and are good examples in the school here. The teachers have commented on how wonderful, kind, and considerate my children are. But now I am not sure what to do and would love any advice.
First day of school!
7 comments:
That's hard Eileen! Make a reward chart, and every time he works on his reading or numbers he can put a sticker on the chart. Working toward some reward when the chart is filled up might be a great motivation.
Wow, that's a situation I've never heard of before. But I have also never heard of kids being kept home from Kindergarten. I will tell you honestly that, as someone who taught K,2,3,4,5 grades over a 13 year span that Kindergarten is one of THE most important grades.
The homeschooling trend is not a bad one, and I understand some of the reasons why parents are doing it (bullying, one-on-one attention, giving kids enrichment that a public school will not.) BUT...I question other reasons, like parents who just want to keep their kid home for just...one...more...year.
I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, Eileen. I'm giving the advice you asked for based on my own experience with hundreds of kids throughout the years.
When I taught Kindergarten, as difficult as it was for me, who is more comfortable with older kids, I saw more progress across the board with that group than in any other grade I taught.
At that age they are more motivated than any other grade. Bullying, cliques, and distracting after school activities haven't entered the picture yet. I was amazed. (And this was the first year of full day kindergarten with around 25 kids.)
It is also an invaluable time for kids to learn social skills in groups, competition, and even disappointment. Life will hand all of these things to them sooner of later, so they need to be prepared.
Personally, I would not want to take in a child in 1st grade who has not been to Kindergarten.
You are NOT a failure. But you are discovering what every parent has over the years, which is that each kid is different. Each kid shows their intelligence in different ways, progresses at a different pace, and is motivated by different factors (sometimes by watching their peers.)
I have known many phenomenal kids who have been home-schooled, but I wish parents would give the public school system a try before heading in that direction. If teachers and parents work together in the school system, great things can happen.
Off my soap box now. I wish you the very best of luck and remember that a little hiccup with your son's progress is not the end of the world.
Eileen, one more thing after reading your post again. It sounds to me like Helaman is not an audio learner at this stage yet, but a kinesthetic one, meaning he responds more to tactile objects that he can manipulate. That is not unusual at that age, which is why the younger kids are always given beads, blocks, etc., in school. Have you tried other objects? It may not be that he's motivated by money, but by his success when he has real objects he can count. :-)
I ended up sending Tanner to school this year, a spure of the moment decision when I had thought all summer I would hold him back.
I was always told how easy K would be, and how they'd just review everything he'd already know -- like the alphabet and writing his name and such.
Well -- here in KS it's totally different. Week 1 and they're past all that and focused 100% on reading. I started to panic and wonder if Tanner could really excel at such a fast-based curriculm.
But I've searched and found a few fun ways to reinforce learning at home -- and probably use a completely different approach than school does. Just like how you found bills motivated him -- I tried usuing large motor skills intermixed with reading/math activities.
Like when learning sight words, he has to swat the word I say with a fly swatter. Or flips over the words with a spatula. Something to keep his body moving at the same time as his mind. He also is obsessed with Legos -- so we have a few lego math games. Super simple things we made up using supplies from home. and in just 5-10 minutes a day, i'm shocked at how quickly he's learning. he doesn't love doing his homework, but he loves doing the homemade games we do together and doesn't realize he's really learning.
there's ideas all over pinterest, but then again, it can be overwhelming too!!
The way the schools teach is pure memorization, which to me is not a signal of intelligence.
Personally, I think K is way too focused on reading and math. I'd much prefer tanner to be learning more higher level problem-solving skills and reasoning.
As a kid, I really really struggled in the early grades -- cause I was utterly bored and never ever made attention. It took me until 2nd or 3rd grade to really catch unto reading and writing -- and from there have always exceled in school and never struggled again. Just know that each kid has their own timetable -- rather the imposing the schools.
anyhow, being a parent is a hard hard thing, but know that you're your child's best advocate and teacher, and there's a reason he has you as a MOM!! Just never stop loving him and supporting him!!!
good job! you are awesome, and your kids are too :) love you!
my only advice is prayer and going to the temple. really try to follow the spirit. God knows what both you and your kids need.
The thing that came to my mind when I read this is that each teacher is different and children respond differently to each, as well. Maybe Helaman will need some extra help from you after school this year, but perhaps next year he'll have a teacher that he relates to better or has a different approach to teaching that will really get him excited to learn.
Helaman had better keep his brubby hands off my money! :)
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